dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
