pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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