those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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