Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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