the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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