The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
