turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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