she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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