my mouth tastes like poor choices
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do vagina's smell?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
