oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
