when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
