Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
