I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
