we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
