Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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