I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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