My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
