yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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