It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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