it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
