Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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