thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
