I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
