I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
