Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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