speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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