Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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