It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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