Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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