Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
