how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
