I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
