i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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