I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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