apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm at about main and main street
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
