I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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