I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
