nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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