I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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