It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize