They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
