lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
tell me about the fingering
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