You just made me feel so damn special
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
