You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
