If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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