Can Purell be used as lube?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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