Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
