just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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