We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
