i permit you to call me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
