Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
