you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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