Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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