Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
