so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
