went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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