i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
