Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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