You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
