yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
