now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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