it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
