Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
