We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
