i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
